Allowance

We started giving each of our kids allowance at around age 5 to help them learn about money and money-management skills. It suddenly occurred to me a few weeks ago, that our best-laid plans were beginning to backfire.

We give Evan $4 per week and Ben $8 per week. The money is divided equally into 4 categories: (1) long term savings which they don't get to touch til they're grown up (this would be more useful if we actually deposited the money into their savings accounts more often than once a year); (2) Give-away Money which is earmarked for the charitable causes of their choice; (3) Save to Spend Later Money, which can be spent on just about anything, as long as it's thought out ahead of time; and (4) Spending Money, which can be spent on a whim. I read about this method once in a book or something and it seemed to make sense. The idea is to help kids get into the habit of saving, of thinking of others, and of making goals for using their money wisely.

Neither of the boys are frivolous with their spending money, and both are good at making goals and saving up for these highly anticipated purchases. So on the surface, they're learning exactly what I wanted them to. And yet, lately the toys seem to come pouring into the house at an unprecedented rate. Lots and lots of Legos and toy cars, mostly. Toys I approve of (I still hold veto power), things they play with a lot (except when they break on the first day, which the toy cars often do), but still: we have never been big consumers of Stuff. As a rule, I buy toys (educational toys included) on Christmas, birthdays, and when we're about to embark on a trip. Chris and I buy ourselves things that are purely for entertainment about that often, too.

Last weekend when we had that wonderful visit to the Chinese Garden, we used a coupon and Evan was free, so Chris and I paid $12.50 for the family's admission. Then we went to the tea house and spent $21 on tea and goodies. It was a splurge, and well worth it. But as we were leaving Chinatown, Ben asked if we could go out for Chinese food for dinner. We said no, and tried to explain the concept of rationing splurges. Then Chris stopped at the bike shop to get a new tire for his commuter bike and the boys and I waited for him in a toy store a few blocks away. Evan, who had just spent the last $12 of his Christmas money on new toys 2 days before, was absolutely itching to buy something. Ben, who recently spent $96 of saved-up money and candy-sale prize money on R2D2, and had just bought 2 new Lego sets with Christmas money from Grandma C., knew he was out of money. I found an obscure card game we'd enjoyed on the train for $12 and asked if the boys wanted to contribute some money towards buying it. Penniless Ben said sure, and Evan said no. We left without buying anything but Evan was looking for promises of when we could return to this particular toy store so he could buy something for himself.

This is when it occurred to me that we were inadvertently teaching them the wrong thing about money. When we do things as a family, apart from the occasional cotton candy Chris and I pay for everything and the boys have no inkling what kind of choices we have to make to make those fun activities possible. So, from their perspective, money is for Buying Fun Stuff With, and everything else is a free ride. They spend almost their entire allotment on toys and if you add it all up, that's about $300 of toy purchases between the two of them. I know for some lifestyles that's a drop in the bucket, but that's not the lifestyle we want for ourselves, and it's not the attitude I want to bring my kids up with.

...to be continued...